Wednesday, Oct. 08, 2003 - 4:42 p.m.
Greetings,
Today is my parents’ anniversary. Happy Anniversary from cyberspace, Mom and Dede!
Today I am also very, very, very, very, very, very, very, (very), very bored.
I did sit outside today in the nice autumn breeze reading Agatha Christie’s “Halloween Party”. That was wonderfully nice.
I wore a new black and white swirly cap sleeved shirt today.
I am still bored.
I have a sinus headache.
I need to change my preferred deodorant. It is only good if I sit still all day long and who the hell does that?
I need to start taking down postcards and stuff off my cube walls. That will be fun, but it’s a bit too soon.
Here’s a little “If I Were a (Fill in the Blank) essay for you to enjoy and me to waste time filling out (and making up too.)
If I were a horse I would be a…..grey. A ghostly gray that slowly lightened up to pure white. I’d be a mare while I was at it. I like being female.
If I were a dog I would be a….husky. They are the closest thing to wolves and I’d rather be a wolf than a dog, but that’s not the question.
If I were a bird I would be a….hawk. Some form of hawk or falcon. A bird of prey definitely. Then I could fly around up high and wherever I cast my eye little creatures would shiver in fear. I might also do well as a pigeon only so I could crap on Fatalie’s car and house and fat ass all the time. But I rather be a hawk I think. So I’ll stick with that.
If I were a planet I would be… (I was getting bored of the animal questions) Earth. I love Earth. Oceans and landmasses and life abounding. Plus I’m a Taurus.
If I were a ghost I would be….found haunting a plantation in Louisiana. Or a castle in England. No, a plantation. A plantation in Louisiana on the Mississippi River. And I’d only appear to people I liked which would probably mean sightings of me would occur about once or twice a century. Just enough to keep my legend alive. Yeah.
If I were a calendar date I would be…October 31st. Yeah, like you didn’t see that one coming.
If I were a fruit I would be…a Cortland apple, but only one grown in New England and only one picked locally by a cider mill and sold fresh in one of those cider mill type paper bags with the handles and NEVER would I be found in a supermarket or out of state. Or on a truck.
If I were a bath product I would be…..bubble bath naturally. Duh.
If I were a person other than myself I would be…Tommy. He’s fascinating and exciting and a lot like me, but different. You know?
If I were monetary currency I would be….a pound coin in England. That would be fun. And I’d have the Queen of England imprinted upon me. Oh, wait, can I change? I’d be a piece of 8 in some Spanish treasure trove buried on a desert isle by pirates in the 1700s. Yeah, that’s what I’d be.
If I were one of Anne Rice’s vampires I would be…I’m tempted to say Louis so I could slap him around and make him wake up and smell the blood, but, eh. I guess I’d have to be Lestat. Then I could live in the French Quarter and wear frock coats in modern times and sit at Café du Monde with cool sunglasses on at night.
If I were a British monarch I would be… Elizabeth I. The virgin queen. Only I don’t think she was so virginal, do you? She was the QUEEN. Come on!
If I were a famous actor I would be….Johnny Depp definitely.
If I were a television program, past present or future I would be… the X-Files, but only the first few seasons.
If I were a comedy I would be…Absolutely Fabulous. Absolutely.
If I were a wine I would be…Soave Valpolicella. Yum. Or maybe Vampire Wine. Eh. Something red.
If I were a fairy tale character I would be…Sleeping Beauty. A long nap sounds good and I don’t really like dwarves all that much.
If I were a ride at Disneyland I would be… CRAP. Can I be two? Pirates or the Mansion, which would it be? Pirates or the Mansion??? Well, all right, I’ll stop whining and pick one. I’d be the Haunted Mansion.
If I were a car I would be…a forest green Jaguar sedan with a cream leather interior. Yeah, baby!
If I were an Egyptian queen, I would be…Hatshepsut definitely.
If I were an Egyptian goddess I would be… Neith.
If I were a Greek goddess I would be.. Hera.
If I were a serial killer I would be…Jack the Ripper. Not that I want to be a serial killer. Really. *REALY*
If I were a century I would be…either the 19th or the 21st. That’s tough. Victorian versus the new Millennium. All right, today I’ll go with the 19th.
If I were a famous artist I would be…Renoir.
If I were a famous composer I would be…Mozart.
If I were an MTV video I would be… Save a Prayer by Duran Duran
Okay, that’s enough of that.
Until next time,
Olrun
