Thursday, Oct. 30, 2003 - 5:23 p.m.
Greetings,
Whew. I can now pause to catch my breath after lots of whirlwind deadline activity at my new job.
But the day has consequently flown by and I did enjoy that. Even if I didn’t get an hour off to go the library like I had planned during lunch.
Yesterday I was thinking about how ridiculously easy it is to just erase people from my life. Sometimes by design, like when I divorced my ex and I moved out to my own apartment. I had to see him a few times, but they were set up in advance and never for longer than half an hour.
I was too wrapped up in my whole existence to really dwell on the fact that I didn’t see him day in and day out and that up until that point; he had been a constant in my daily life for nearly a decade. And then one morning I woke up and I was in my own apartment in a different town everything was different.
My ex’s whole family was simply there one day and gone the next to me. One week I was obligated to go over for another boring dinner where they’d talk Italian around me and I’d be forced to compare the 6 different and clashing hues of blue my mother-in-law had painted her cupboards while drinking Carlo Rossi Chianti and ginger-ale. The next week I never had to talk to them again. And I haven’t to this day. I never will talk to my ex father in law again as he died a couple of years after the divorce. I can’t even remember the last thing I said to him. Bye, probably. On my way out the door. Neither of us knew it was for the last time, but I remember wishing that it would be.
Right now I am experiencing the rush of relief and new purpose lately that I did a few years ago when I left Lou.
I come to work now with people who like me. Who seek me out to talk to and not malicious gossip about who said what about who. Or who didn’t do this. Or blah, blah, blah.
I don’t have to listen to throat clearing incessantly all day long. I don’t have to sit in a fog of hatred. I can say hello to everyone I work with and they will say hello back. It’s an odd feeling. I don’t have to brace myself for the knife in my back anymore.
I was going to do a destruction spell to rid myself of my unproductive negative feelings about Fatalie, but I don’t need to do it now because I don’t really even think about her except to muse that like the Wicked Witch of the West, she has no power here in Glinda’s realm. It’s like I am a balloon filled with helium and I just float over the cesspool where she lurks.
But getting back to my main topic – erasing people.
It’s so easy, it’s frightening. If I never saw any of the people on the 26th floor again, even the ones I genuinely liked, I’d not even blink an eye. Well, I will keep in touch with Maid Marion and one of the attorneys, but even their influence is waning. They are people I once talked with every weekday and now never unless they send me an email or call me. Or if I happen to pass them near the elevators.
Odd.
Last October/November also saw people I was close to fade out of my life entirely. I remember the feeling of being set free. Of not even realizing I had been chained down.
The ends of friendships shouldn’t feel that way, should they? But mine often do.
Okay, time to switch the subject…
Tonight I’m going home to watch Friends and drink hard cider. I think there’s a hot shower in store for me as well. The Halloween lights will shine forth and the cats will gallop around on the hardwood floors Tommy will consume some Hot Pockets and I’ll have a sandwich and all with be wonderful.
Tomorrow – well, I can’t even get into that here today or I’d be typing all night. Let’s just say I have plans.
The mundane plans include going to the Westblank for puppy pads and perhaps to score one of the Halloween DVDs. Tommy wants the Young Ones on DVD, Every Stoopid Episode , and that might happen too. There’s just so much we want and only a finite amount of money in the bank account.
But, tomorrow is pay day and I’ll be able to see how much more money I’m making with my new raise. I cannot wait.
Yesterday I bought myself two new light, v necked sweaters. A sage green one and an oatmeal colored one. They are lovely. I am wearing the green one now.
I think before I leave I will tear off the October 30th page from my Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets desk calendar so that it will reflect Halloween all day tomorrow even though I will not be here.
Last night Tommy went out with his coworkers to “Wet Your Whistle Wednesday” followed by some drinks at Superior Grill. I drove home alone in the new dark listening to the theme from Halloween – over and over again.
There’s something about Tchoupitoulas after dark. The levee walls rise up high against the sky and the whole street just radiates something oddly familiar, yet still strange.
The new Wal-Mart is under construction though, so it won’t stay dark there for long. I can’t imagine how nice it will be to be able to stop into Wal-Mart after work anytime I feel like it. For gorgeous little things. It might even be a grocery store Wal-Mart and then I can even shop there. But I get ahead of myself. As usual.
I love October and my favorite date in October is looming around the shadowed corner. Ah, I am content.
I think I will pack up to leave now.
One more day till Halloween, Halloween, Halloween
One more day till Halloween
Silver Shamrock!
Until next time,
Olrun
