Friday, Dec. 19, 2003 - 11:17 a.m.
Greetings,
Ever have one of those Fridays where you are yawning and have to drink diet coke to keep awake and you look down the long hours of the upcoming afternoon and wonder if you’ll actually make it without drooling on your desk?
The kind of day that comes after a night of binge drinking or dancing or hanging out with friends.
I’m like that today. Guess what I did last night?
I helped put together a desk.
And now, today, because I didn’t go to bed until midnight, I am worthless.
It’s frightening how incredibly lame I’m getting. I’m going to turn into my own grandmother one of these days, just you wait.
Tommy came to bed around 1 a.m. and he’s even worse than me, poor thing. Of course he actually *did* most of the work.
My part of the whole deal was picking it out mostly. Oh, and I made coffee. And I helped moved it from the car. I handed him a couple of pieces and made random suggestions on how I thought screw A should fit into bracket D, but that’s about it.
The desk was scored at Office Depot. This is the second Christmas in a row when a major gift has come from that store.
I wonder why my 19 year old self would make of me today.
“So, Mina, what do you want for Christmas?”
“Christmas sucks, goddamnit. But what I really want is BOOZE and black clothes. Anything else is shit. Well, unless it has something to do with Star Trek. Maybe.”
“Really? Because I’m Mina of Christmas Future and I’m here to tell you that you’re going to end up shopping at Office Depot for your favorite Christmas presents someday.”
“Office..WHAT? Oh shit! Do I turn into a YUPPIE? How? How can that BE? I have white spiked hair! I have 8 different earrings in my ears at the same time. I wear fishnet stockings and black leather mini skirts for Christ’s sake. How do I end up a YUPPIE? Did my MOM have something to do with this?”
“Relax, you aren’t a Yuppie. You still wear black. Mostly. But you are a…secretary.”
“WHAT? Oh, SHIT! Oh, don’t DO this to me, you bitch! I can’t stand it! I knew I wouldn’t be a rock star, but a SECRETARY? I remember how much I laughed at ‘The Future Secretaries Club’ at my high school. This must be karmic revenge. Go away, will you. I’m gonna go have a chugging contest with some rum and coke and couple of my lame ass friends. A secretary? Shit! What kind of car do I drive? Oh, god, don’t tell me I drive a….SNAAAAB. Because if I do, I will kill myself right now. AUUUGGGH!”
“No, babe. You drive a Saturn. You have never driven, let alone owned, a Saab thankfully. You haven’t changed *that* much.”
“Says YOU, you bitch. And what the hell is a Saturn?”
“It’s not a Saab, so just leave it at that. I’ve got to go type a letter.”
“AUUUGGGGGH!”
Yeah, well, enough of that.
Anyway, last night I walked into Office Depot with $300 in cash and I walked out $314 dollars later with a corner desk (with a hutch and shelving), a cool chair, a green banker’s lamp (that I’m trading Tommy for the white beaded Victorian desk lamp he currently has) and a memory card for Tommy’s new digital camera. Oh, and a partridge in a pear tree. Office Depot threw that in for free. ;)
We had to actually tie the trunk shut with twine because the desk box stuck out too much even with the backseat lowered and Tommy’s front seat ramped up so that his knees were hitting his cheekbones when he finally managed to squeeze himself into a sitting position.
We drove home *very carefully* and then instead of waiting until tonight, Thomas went into a frenzy of desk building.
Stela and Pandora got to hang out in the bedroom for most of the night which made them purr with delight. Agatha hid. Meow walked around howling indignantly until we moved some pieces of the desk and made room for her customary bed on the sofa. Then she settled down to watch indifferently and yowl every time we moved something on the sofa.
Tonight Tommy finishes up the desk (which means putting the backing on and affixing the sliding keyboard shelf) and hopefully this also includes putting together my chair. I plan to nip into Swvinn Slixie for the weekly shop, including buying enough for our Christmas Eve feast, and then returning to make him Hamburger Helper.
Then I will spend the remainder of the night (that I can keep my eyes from spontaneously shutting) arranging my Study and putting things on my new desk. And swiveling around a lot in my new chair.
Mina of Christmas Past would gnash her teeth at the thought of cleaning on a Friday night and contemptuously plug in her videotape of “Sid & Nancy” and watch it for the 8,253rd time while slugging back some Schnapps and Seven-Up. Or something.
Until next time,
Olrun
